Tim and the Extent of Time

Yesterday was my birthday. I am officially young at 23 and ready to conquer the world!!! Or maybe I should start with my bedroom. As a result of my birthday, I received all sorts of interesting phone calls, fantastic gifts and art supplies, applesauce cake, ice cream sundaes, and a cool dvd from my lil bro.

On top of it all, I discovered what I am NOT gifted to do...working with wild children in large groups. Our food pantry team volunteered for a program at the Salvation Army called Kids' Cafe. We served family-style meals to 96 children between the ages of 5 and 16 and then spent time with them in different game rooms. Granted, the few boys sitting to my left were precious...but it was our number one duty to keep them from throwing punches, food, or foul language.

I was visibly shaking when I left the building.

Why?

There was a day, not too long ago, when I blogged for myself. I've been doing this for over a year now and until 3 months ago, no one read a single thing that I wrote. There was no pressure. There was only pleasure. I enjoyed ranting and raving about God knows what and having the indefinite safety of knowing that nobody cared, because nobody saw it.

Things have since changed and I am having difficulty finding my rut again. It's much like that guarded feeling I used to get when I would write in my journal...as though someone would find it after I died and read it at my funeral.

Perhaps I should take a break from it in order to reform my "Blog Purpose." Maybe I should write Rick Warren and request a copy of "The Purpose Driven Blog" and have my own 40 Days of Purpose to refocus why I am doing this. Am I merely trying to please the fans? Is that why I feel empty and like a failure?

Day One: Why am I a blogger?

Just got back from seeing that new Jim Carrey movie...I love the name of it, yet it has fled from my memory...ha. I highly recommend this one. Even if you aren't into it, I think it would be worth the shot of at least one viewing. Jeanne wasn't a fan and that is okay. But I was intrigued.

Blogging with Me

I should take some pointers from Lucas in this blogging stuff. I don't know how he does it, but he gets at least 15 comments to any entry.

My life must be lame-o! :)

Left or Right

These days for me are exciting yet terrifying. I am not stuck in a ministry nor do I feel like the direction in which I am heading is a trap. For once I have developed my passions into reality and I am searching, listening, and waiting for clarification in "the" direction. Doors of opportunity have flung themselves open and confusion has diligently accompanied these prospective options. I have no doubt that God is right by my side, but that does not mean the journey will be comfortable and easy. Most of you have been there as well. Questions of Where? When? Why? and How? haunt your days and nights. That is the zone I am in right now and I am dropping my guard to say that I don't know where, when, why, or how. It frightens me. It boggles me. It creates anxiety. It develops me. It directs me. It motivates me. It is an adventure and all I know to do is trust and ride.

It's a Wonderful Life

As Lucas has suggested, I would like to think about what my autobiography would include. Unfortunately, I am not in a clever mood tonight as most of my energies have been spent elsewhere; however, I will do my best.

The cover: I think my cover would be a stark picture. Preferrably the one that my brother took of a front room apartment in Amsterdam. It is strikingly cold yet attractive. Artsy.

Titles:
Life and Near Death: Raised with Jeff
Sweet and Sassy
New Generation, Same Old Tricks
Nacho, Tailgate, and the Dumb Hoosier
Brothers: Curse or Blessing?
When Will He Learn?
Cramped in a Closet
JoAnn Fabrics and the Saga of the Kite Shirt
Camping and "You WILL Love Every Minute"
Say Your Own, Eat Your Own
Jeff Has Lost His Eye...Again
Todd and the Hidden Wall
Clyde the Pirahna
We're Going to Be Late for Church
Extreme Makeover - She Falls on Her Face
Eldest Leaves for College and Family Moves
Raymond!
Schooled Among the Independent Baptists
Biking into Bumpers
Death, More Death...We're Dropping Like Flies
10 Reasons Why I'll Never Miss Cheerleading
Dating and Why it Should be Avoided
LCC Dating and Why it Was Avoided
Gulliver's Travels
Why Dad is Never Going to Lie Again
Why Albert Einstein Would Burn Down a Lincoln Coffeehouse
How to be a Professional Bridesmaid
The Wild Adventures of Nikki and Lindy
Prayer - Man's Fool Proof Birth Control
The Dramas of an Intern
Finding a REAL Job....

Stories Told:

-Dressing Jeff in doll clothes.
-The many sign adventures of Becky and Lindy.
-Operation Camel Hump.
-Extreme Makeover would include the following reconstructions: Illness requires tonsilectomy, Stripped muscles and sawed femurs; Brace face.

I would have to write an entirely separate book soley for the purpose of portraying the classic Nardoni quirkiness.
And probably another book just on the college days.

That was a terribly lengthy Title selection. I wouldn't read this book either.

Yet another

Jeanne has adoringly been accepted into blog heaven. Welcome into the circle of life, Jeanne.

Out of the Loop

Today I feel disconnected from friends and family of the motherland. I hope everyone has a great time at the Summer in Stereo/Bastian concert, a blast annihilating one another in Halo, and that my family enjoys Gracie's first birthday party. Don't forget to teach her how to smear the frosting in her hair...you know Mom would show her how to do it if she were still here!

Lindy's plans after graduation are...

Discomfort. Anxiety. Sweat. Pressure. We can all say we've experienced moments of extreme awkwardness. Often times this inhibited, empathetic emotion arrives merely through watching someone else's horribly unnatural interactions on a dating show or maybe seeing that overweight individual attempting to squeeze into that much-too-tight theater seat. Embarrassment exceeds position, power, or prestige. If the Pope were to trip over his lengthy ivory robe all of the nations would utter a groan of distress for his sake. No one can escape it.

Year after painful year at commencement, Lincoln Christian College has subjected their students to such uneasiness. If you have been there, you know exactly what I am speaking of. It is that which my title suggests - the "life plans" announcement. Many of you have been seated in your designated pew of fuscia, teal, or green and you have cringed in regret for the individual who just declared their future as "undecided."

That's why Jeanne and I are going to make our futures so abstract that they won't know what to do with themselves. Can they refuse to read off our ambitions? Or will they have to read what we have creatively claimed to become? Here is Jeanne's initial suggestion: Jeanne Hyde will be leaving the States in June to pursue an avid career with Gucci in designer handbags. She would like to thank Lincoln Christian College for the four years they provided to prepare her for this calling.

It is with hope that we can stop this atrocious tradition from tearing into the hearts and minds of LCC graduates. We should not fear graduation! Help us in this ambition and enter some suggestions of your liking.

Please remember, this is a family friendly blogsite.

The Camera

No need to worry...my camera has been found!

On the darker side

I lost my camera today. My dad bought it for me special. And I lost it. Somewhere in Mass. I'm sick. I'm depressed. I want it back. Dad, please don't kill me.

Friday night well-spent

I babysat the two sweetest boys tonight. Dillon is 4 and Ryan just turned 3 today. It was an hour of bliss as we played Hungry Hungry Hippo, Divin for Dolphins, and Candyland the Pooh version. Ryan had a little bit of the mafia thing going on. It sounded more like a cold, but the little guy wasn't pronouncing his r's so it was like, "Come ova heah." Since bedtime was at 7, I had another two hours to myself before Mom and Dad got home. I get to watch them at least once a week now and I'm so very excited! (If the kids are cool, I don't mind watching them...they're like grandchildren, fun for now, but belong to someone else.)

We think we have it bad

"I have to talk to someone! Tomorrow...it's very crucial."

Sunday mornings I am always found at or around the Guest Reception table. Kelly and I do our best to scope the crowd of 500+ people creating a bottleneck in the lobby of MCC as some struggle to leave one service and others press onward into the next service. Usually you can tell by their eyes. The new ones don't like to make eye contact and usually focus their attention above the crowd in a search to find the nearest exit. It's a welcoming atmosphere, but fear is what generally overtakes them and with impulse they want out.

This Sunday a woman threw herself in my path and with a look of panic exclaimed those haunting words, "I have to talk to someone!" She was desperate and she wanted me to find someone, anyone, who would give her instantaneous relief.

Today she met with us. Kelly and I sat with her for nearly two hours. She's had the run around for most of her life and has experienced things that I could never imagine. I can't give details, but her words raked my heart. She needs hope. She needs comfort. She needs community. She needs compassion. She needs the church. So often I have taken for granted that I have love anywhere I turn. I have the comfort, community, and hope. I know that God is ever-present and I have experienced his warm embrace in my own life's gutter moments. I remember feeling like nothing made sense. I remember questioning God. I remember wondering what tomorrow was going to bring when I couldn't stand thinking about today. And I had God. I belonged to him. I can't even imagine how someone outside of faith can experience those times and survive without hope.

The conversation ended positively. She left with a greater understanding of God, Christ, and a relationship with him. She left with knowledge of the Bible (which she had because of a class she took last summer) and how to use it. She left encouraged and hopeful. I just pray that she can be strengthened and not give up as her world slowly turns from black to gray to white.

Illness overrides Personality

That's right, when I am sick, I feel as though all of my personality is thrown to the wind. I walk by a mirror and my shoulders slump, my eyes appear heavy, and my desire to communicate with the rest of the world is non-existent. That right there should be everyone's first clue that something's not right. This evening concludes my third full day of cold, headache, and raw throat. Bounce is slowly returning to my step and my speech is not quite as gargled.

Small Group tonight was a hit. The dynamic of my group is morphing into a contagious relic of young adulthood. We're all searching for direction, jobs, school plans, etc. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one in my current situation.

I have not had a chance to eat tonight so I must depart. Ciao.

Not a day over what??

A Friday in Manchester typically consists of coveted sleep, a quick, compact and unfulfilling trip to B & N, followed with an elongated evening of mindless discussion and cellulite enhancing munchies. However, today my plans were thwarted; not in a bad way, but in a different way.

Originally, I had planned on a slow morning before road-tripping to Springfield, Mass to pick up the eldest Belley for a weekend of fun and bliss. With my hair tousled and froed out in an alarming disarray of kinks and curls, I stumbled, scrubs and all, into my dual-party bathroom and tripped over my wide-eyed bath roomie. Of course, the first thing to escape Stephanie's lips was somewhat of a scoff. While laughing at me she inquired, "Do you ever look at the mirror in your bedroom before you come out?" "No." I quickly replied with a drunken grin and sheepish eyes. Who does that?

Time was pressing and Stephanie wanted me to help babysit down at MCC for an hour or so. She buttered me up by insiting that I eat one of her turkey omelets with a side of toast and grapes (which I didn't eat) and the offer of $10. No. I don't want to babysit. I am tired. I want to go back to bed. I don't want to see children, let alone give them my attention. But on the contrare, I NEED MONEY!!! I would be a fool to pass up an hour of babysitting for ten measly dollars! Reluctantly, I accepted her offer and bettered my spirits. I had to be presentable to the children. The kids weren't that bad at all. As a matter of fact, I loved the time I spent with the fish faced monkey lovers. However, conversation with the "adults" did not progress as smoothly as I would have hoped.

Phil Foster called me. He's going to be visiting on Monday and it was essential that I answer his beckoning. I hung up the phone with great relief and explained to the women that he was my mentor. This is where the plot thickens...
"Oh, are you from around here?" One woman innocently asked.
"No, I'm from Illinois," came my reply.
"Still in high school?"
.......silence......
"Uh. No. I'm...aaaa...super senior at Lincoln Christian College." I said in utter disbelief.
"How old can you be?" She asked in confusion.
"22." Yeah, I wanted to say 23, but with the glazed look in my eyes they wouldn't have gone for that.
"Really? I wouldn't have thought you were a day over 15!"

So yeah, I have experienced similar situations. As a matter of fact, until I turned 18 I was regularly handed the children's menu along with crayons at the restaurants. I used to take it as a compliment...cheaper food! And one day, if I ever reach the age of 90 and people assume that I am 84, I'm positive the compliment will seem as such. Until then, I will continue to wonder....

YDC

It's getting late, but I have been made aware that the blogging is a tad behind. Some things take certain precedence over sleep. Pleasing my fans would be one of them.

I have a few praises to share. This week has been extremely busy and except for the two hour nap I enjoyed at Kelly's house today, I have had little down time. Friday 8 people helped us move a woman struggling with cancer into a new apartment and Saturday 13 of us enjoyed yet another amazing workday in Portland. It is always so cool to see people of all ages and backgrounds coming together to serve for Christ. Sunday was a wonderful morning at church and it was topped off with my "Sunday" whipped cream (okay, that was corny), our weekly trip to the Youth Developmental Center. Kelly, Judy, and I were able to pray with two girls who accepted Christ! They were filled with so many questions and their eyes spoke of the hope they were experiencing. We are taking steps to help them get in touch with the campus pastor, buy them study bibles, and send them notes of encouragement. These girls just never cease to amaze me. God never ceases to amaze me.

Tonight I also had the opportunity to creatively brainstorm of a potential ministry that I could one day be invovled in. There have been elements of ministry that I have personally latched on to while on my internship. I am at the beginning stages of piecing together the elements and how they work in relationship with my talents and spiritual gifts. The future is becoming far more exciting and hopeful.