Wednesday, July 27, 2011

When is it YOUR turn?



Most of us have been there or are going through it; that day when you’re dating and everyone asks the question, “When is it YOUR turn?”  Then, you get married.  Most people are content for a minimal amount of time before the next question arises, “When is it YOUR turn?”  You pop out one kid and they want to know when the next one is coming.  


So it begs the question…what happens when you’re done having children?  What does everyone want from you then?

That is the scenario. 

There are rules for this sort of thing.  Exceptions.  People who can get away with it.  Misconceptions.  People who think they should be able to get away with it.  Absolutes.  And those who really have no business.  Period.
 

Category 1: Exceptions

You are in this category if you are immediate family, extended family and friends who act like immediate family, in-laws, or good friends of deceased mother. 

Rule: You may ask.  However, when the individual has appropriately answered your question (ex. Soon, I don’t know, We’re talking about it, Not right now, Never, Yesterday) you respect the answer.  It can one day lead to further discussion, but until said individual has updated you with “anything new”  or bringing up the subject willingly, proceed under the guidelines of strict respect (which may mean shutting up when you would rather not).  I know, you’re thinking, “In-laws?” but I happen to be blessed with incredible in-laws who follow this rule well.     

Warning: Being in this category organically does not mean that flippant foolery will keep you safe.  The subject in question has every right to mentally reassign you to Category 2 at their will.



Category 2: Misconceptions

You are in this category if you got kicked out of Category 1, you are an acquaintance, distant friend (easily defined by being the one who is informed six months after “friend” gets married), or person who knows “dad” and then assumes you also have rights to such information.

Rule:  You do not get to ask direct personal questions as you do not get regular updates or the juicy details of the person’s life from them directly.  When you see the acquaintance years later, you may only ask general questions.  Verbal probing is unacceptable.  You may ask "dad."  That is it.

Warning:  If you ignore the rule and insist on knowing why the person isn’t making THEIR turn, consider this - you may be forever written off upon discovering that they can’t keep a job, can’t make babies, or can’t marry the guy because he’s obsessed with himself.


Category 3: Absolutes

You are in this category if you were booted here from Category 2 for emotionally scarring the person for life, a coworker of the opposite sex, or a carny.

Rule:  Just keep your mouth shut.

Warning:  If you don’t, this person has no loyalty to you and can make your life a living hell in return.
 
May this be a good reflection on your own behavior, even if you're the one under scrutiny. 

(all images by yours truly)

2 comments:

Curt and Sarah said...

Nice.

Sujay said...

So beautiful the site is.Well done carry on.