When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's beef.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
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