Sedatives Anyone??

Just picture this....

I arrived at Kirk and Amanda's home last night around 9. We had a wonderful time catching up, sharing sorrows, laughing our heads off, dreaming of bigger things, and eating popcorn. At midnight we decided that a four hour nap would have to suffice before driving me to the St. Louis airport. 12:30 - still awake. 1:00 - awake. 2:00 - awake and thinking about Resident Evil. 2:45 - asleep, but realized it and awake again. My alarm sounded at 4:05 and I must have fallen asleep again because I had no idea what was going on.

My first flight landed in Philly at 9:15 which left me with a two hour layover before heading out to Manchester. Tried sleeping in the terminal. Didn't happen.

(You know, I could go many hours without sleep and be fine....just as long as NO ONE talks to me.)

As I was preparing to board US Airways flight 490 I heard a screech coming from my right. My peripheral vision spotted a young child, looked to be around five years of age, with a harness and leash literally coming from her back, and at the other end of the rope, her grandmother. When I noticed the child running forward, only to be jerked back into line, I sighed with relief...at least they were sitting in a different zone than I.

In slow, exhausted motions I inched my way down the aisle, caught a glance at my empty row and thought for a moment that I may not have existing neighbors for the flight. Boy was I wrong. Not five minutes later, a mousy southern drawl stepped up to my seat. "God dernit, my seat's in the middle agin!" And so began the hour-long flight from hell. "Anna" was her name and she wore it proudly on a pendant necklace hanging (not tight enough) from her neck. She is a four year old from Freemont, North Carolina with an attitude of a child in the midst of puberty. Grandma couldn't make her sit down for anything. The girl cried and screamed and horrifically exclaimed that if anyone touched her, she would "slap 'em clear 'cross their dern face." She glared at the gentleman across the aisle and said, "Whut you lookin at me like that for? I don't like it when people look at me like that." Neighboring passengers threw glances at me seeming to insist that I try to do something. I, on the other hand, was intent on listening to my John Mayer in peace. Until it was time to descend. It was then that dear Anna decided to try climbing into my lap. WHAT THE CRAP?! When I sternly told her, "No." She freaked and tried anyway! Grandma grabbed her arm to pull her back and Anna threw herself on the floor and began yellping, "You hurt me! You hurt me!"

I'd had enough, "You're fine."
"How old are you?"
"Four."
"You're pretty big for a four year old."
"Well, I'm a big gurl."
"Do you know what big girls do?"
"No."
"I do. They sit back on their seat. And put on their belt. And be quiet."

Obviously, my coaxing didn't work and she was soon draped over Grandma's lap crying out like a dying rabbit. It was fine with me. We could hit a rough patch of turbulence, send her body into the ceiling, and knock her out. As long as her flailing limbs didn't hit me on the way down.