Our Hearts: Impounded

Recently I was asked to describe "love." Why does anyone ask that and expect an immediate answer? Anyway, I have been turning it over in my head since. I began examining my own relationships: God, parents, siblings, extended family, friends of old and new, boyfriends, strangers, lunch ladies. This is what I have been thinking...

My family is very open and we love freely. Yes, we have our dysfunctions just like any other family would, but my parents made it a point to see that we were raised as loving, giving individuals.

Earthly relationships so often reflect God's relationship with us. He loved us enough to let us go so we could make the choice to love him in return. Despite all the hurt we cause him, he loves us...he LOVES us. We are anything but worthy of such love, but desperate for it. Imagine where we would be without it.

As we all know, I am far from perfect. For five years I have walked around with a shield encasing my heart. We all have these sheilds. We are taught to identify in the world of psychology and relationships. There are reasons for them. God has given us these walls as a mechanism to survive. It is for our own protection, but like so many things they can be a hindurance when not used in a healthy manner (i.e. fear). My shield would not allow me to love and be loved. I held my family and friends out at a distance. I knew that once I could trust and drop that wall I was putting myself at risk again. Risk of what? Being loved? Being hurt? Experiencing something amazing? Of saying goodbye?

Because of life circumstances, I have been in and out of new situations where I have no choice but to get close or I would simply deteriorate. My guard began to slide a year ago. Slowly, but most certainly, I developed a friendship. A friendship that clicked like none before and slowly I unveiled more of myself than usual. I chose to take the risk. I let myself take the risk. Now with nothing but good memories, healthy hurt, and friendship I can say that love is worth it.

A month ago I was finally able to rid myself of the fear and lie that "When the going gets tough, those I love will leave." Because of this promise out of Deuteronomy, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." I heard God and I trusted; and despite the consequence of my choice to love and be loved - I still trust.

Love is more than a feeling. It isn't about falling in or falling out. It is a lifestyle. It is a choice. It is a risk. It is selfless and unconditional. It is grace, mercy, truth, forgiveness, trust, opening, sharing. It means healing and hurts, ups and downs, joys and tears. It is allowing for growth and discovery. It is realizing who we are and where we are. It is letting go of our needs for the sake of another's. It is knowing when to let go.

Amazing things happen to us and those around us when we break free from lies. God intended for us to love freely.