Weddings. They're good for a free dinner.

I have stood up as a bridesmaid in eight weddings. That's right. Eight. Hundreds of dollars have been drained into dresses that will never fit, never be in style, or simply don't have a place to be worn. Hours upon hours have been devoted to side-by-side preparation for showers, parties, and the ceremony.

Then there is your one job. Walk down an aisle to stand and stare at the back of your friend/family members heads...when your third cousin twice removed has a better view from his seat in row 21. Don't get me wrong - it is a very noble honor - timing is everything when you cascade down the aisle. Extreme awkwardness prevails whether you tread solo with an unsure smile and darting eyes or whether you have linked arms with a complete stranger. However, there is a strange feeling of accomplishment as you look on. Like you had something to do with those two getting there.

But, why exactly do we have weddings? I always hear people insisting that the wedding day is "for the bride and groom, not us." However, all planning and ensued exhaustion is often provoked because of the couples obligation to please everyone involved in the ceremony...except themselves. Just think about it...

*The dresses have to look great on everyone. (And more than likely won't)
*No one is allowed to question the MOB...or she'll kill.
*Is anyone going to be upset because they aren't standing up with the couple?
*Make sure Joe Schmo and Windy Jo the Pirate Ho don't feel bad when they see each other.
*Did we leave anyone off the guestlist for the: showers, wedding, reception?
*Everyone needs to wear an awful corsage on their overpriced tux.
*We can't dance at the reception. Aunt Flo will be offended.
*The unity candle.
*Traditional music that really doesn't sound all that great to begin with and has absolutely no personal meaning.

The list could go on forever. But the overlying irony of the situation is that no one really likes going to the weddings and sitting through 30-45 minutes of predictable and boring motions.

That is why I am encouraging all to consider doing a wedding for themselves if the day should ever come. Plan a wedding that screams "YOU." Have a party. Be adventurous. Take up your father's offer of $ to elope on a beach in Cancun.

And I'm spent.