Dazed and Confused

I would like to say that my time in Illinois has been more than fruitful. And in many ways it has been. I was able to see my whole fam, surprise Lucas, go camping with Nikki, and graduate. I would also like to say that I have grown four inches

I could be pathetically wrong and illogical. I could be supressing the ugliness of the "real" world. I could be setting myself up for disaster as I aim and shoot for a ministry that I love yet feel discouraged from.

Illinois has been my home for 23 years. It has served as a refuge, a beacon, and a comfort zone. However, it currently serves me with heartache, unhappiness, and discomfort. "This too shall pass," I hear. "Go for your dreams." "Take risks." "Go where God leads you." (Kinda reminds me of the book I was going to write after Mom died..."What not to say when someone dies.")

What if God is leading me to a low-paying ministry where I serve in a manner uncommon to most people? What if my idea of the church is washed up in a generation of boomers who don't get it? I'm tired from being questioned and doubted as I dream up an ideal ministry that may not be so popular to the masses. I have officially graduated from college and that accomplishment means more to me than a piece of paper or status. It is rooted deeply in whom I have become and who I am becoming.

All I ask for is a little consideration. A little understanding. A little time. Is that so difficult?