Musings in the Middle of Nowhere

Michele is pushing her luck today. It seems that she possesses prestige of which "interns" are unworthy. It's okay. I'm allowing the weak outbursts of insults to roll off my back. Jeanne and I could take her.

Observation #7: My blogs are becoming weaker. I believe it to be due to the frequent entries. I'm going to include an article my brother sent me from Anderson, IN. It should spice this up a little.

Imagining the drama after Dean's biblical blunder
By Jack Williams
http://www.theheraldbulletin.com/story.asp?id=2067


Howard Dean had just wrapped up a bull session with reporters when his
campaign aides called for an emergency strategy session. In ancient times,
perhaps, his political consultants might have torn their robes and sat on
the ground in sackcloths with the Democratic candidate. But these were the
days leading up to the 2004 presidential primaries so there was no time to
comfort the governor, only time for a damage control dialogue with his three
top aides…

First aide: You idiot! Job is in the OLD Testament—not the NEW Testament!

Dean: Whaaat? It’s not Mathew, Mark, Luke and…Job??

Second aide: No, you doofus—that would be John, you know, one of the 12
disciples, part of Jesus’ inner circle, the guy who wrote “In the beginning
was the Word.”

Dean: Hey, I'm from New England. We don’t wear the religion thing on our
sleeves.

Third aide: New England?!?! You mean where the Puritans came to build a
Christian civilization, recreate the New Testament church and conduct the
most famous religious experiment in history???

Dean: OK, OK, I’m just now getting comfortable with this faith gig. I’ve
been to Israel, you know.

First aide: Well, right now we’ve got better chances in Israel than Iowa.

Second aide: My advice, Howard, is to refrain from saying, “If you know much
about the Bible, which I do—”

Third aide: Right, after you misidentify one of the masterpieces of world
literature, don’t attempt any scholarly historical criticism or say things
like, “I prefer the version of Job with the optimistic ending.”

First aide: Yeah, after Job gets in God’s face for his suffering and the two
come to a mutual understanding, God doubles his herds of sheep, camels, oxen
and she-asses--

Second aide: And then there’s Job’s new daughters…

Third aide: Oi vey, fairest in all the land. We’re talking optimism.

Dean: Well, that’s the ending you remember.

First aide: Aides, are we all starting to feel a little like Zophar, Bildad
and Eliphaz?

Dean: Eli-who??

Second aide: No, Elihu, Job’s fourth friend, doesn’t appear until the end of
the book. Zophar, Bildad and Eliphaz are three of the main characters in
your favorite New Testament book.

Dean, under his breath: With friends like Zoloft, Bulderdash and Eliphant,
who needs Kerry and Edwards??

Dean, looking past his aides: Dear, what are you doing in Iowa? Guess what?
I just lost the Bible belt. What should I do?

Dr Judith Steinberg Dean: You lose the belt, you lose your pants. Curse God
and die.

Dean: Whaat?

Third aide: Let’s stay on task here. This is our strategy: we go back to the
reporters and confess our mistake. People in the Bible belt are forgiving.
It’s part of their schtick.

Second aide: That’s right. Then, just say it’s been awhile since you were
perusing the Old Testament because you’ve been busy out on the campaign
trail--

First aide: Then say, “I uttered things that I understood not, things too
wonderful for me.”

Second aide: Yeah, yeah, and that you abhor yourself and you repent in dust
and ashes because naked you came from the womb!

Dean: Uh, what campaign strategy book are we taking this from?

Second aide: Then just say that some people believe in an original version
of the book, Job came up on the short end of the sheep and she-asses. Keep
it fuzzy. Let’s try not to be the Bible Answer Man

First aide: And we’ll pray this works.

Dean: You know, first aide, I pray every day.

First aide: Well, let’s just pray that no one asks you the difference
between the Book of Jonah and Moby Dick.